Journaling is my escape from studying teehee* shhh don't tell on me! So I've realized I dont blog much anymore because I'm intimidated by the amazing writers out there who would say I can't write and lets not forget the criticism that occurs with spilling your heart to the public world. I mean this is the internet and I do have some crazy ass stalkers and haters I have accumulated through my years of bending over cars in bootay shorts. I mean I have come a long way and learned to have forgive my past mistakes and offenders who have hurt me, but there is a stigma when it comes to blogging because people write nasty comments and judge or assume they "know" you because theyve read a few faqs on a website or random rantings from a blog...little do they know I am far more than what meets the eye/website lol*
I have been working out 2 hours a day at krave or at the gym and I went swimming and showered and went out with wet hair in the cold, so I assumed that was how I got sick this week. As things progressed, I thought i had swine flu...its scared me so. The symptoms were similar but missing the vomiting, headache, fatigue stuff. My friend's gf has swine flu, and my other two friends also had it so it wouldn't have been too far fetched that I somehow contracted the virus, especially after treating my friend with the gf who has swine flu like a leper...or so he says Its Kharma biting my in the ass for being mean to him at Bleu (our favorite local hangout). He was right, I avoided him like the plague, because I was scared to get it! Who knows if his gf's germs got on him and was gonna spread it to the rest of the crew? Oh and to top it off, due to my paranoia, he thought it would be amusing to cough in my water to get me sick...well a day later I WAS!! ahhh Damn you weanus!
Well 3 days later, I must say I am feeling 95% better. My favorite infectious disease specialist, Dr. Jeng suggested I just take zinc and viatmins and my body responded quickly, so whatever virus it was, swine flu it was not! Thank you Lord! So through the conversations, we somehow got to talking about going to Hawaii. I LOVE Hawaii, it is one of my happiest spots to date, maybe because life was so carefree back then, the island was beautiful, the water was perfect, the sky and mountains were just heavenly.... it is simply my solace. How I wish to go back there...if I close my eyes I can remember it so clearly. Hopefully it works out as I am trying to see if friend will let us use the timeshare and if the other friends can join! YAY!
I have quite a crazy travel schedule ahead including Canada mission trip, Philippines press trip, and Monaco pilot for a travel show this year. I usually go to 2-3 countries a year but I guess it will be 4 including Japan this past march. So excited, although mostly work related but still good to get away nonetheless.
As for school, it sucks balls and I cannot wait to get it over with. Case study after case study, finance is killing me, and I just dont want to deal with strategic analysis reports anymore, it hurts my heart thinking about it...and yes that is what im supposed to be working on right now instead of "blogging"
Oh and well God's been opening up the doors for my new album. The album I spent $10,000 sucks because its not my style and I am not proud of it. I am not releasing it and I feel like God put it on my heart to do a revamp album that is more my style about Love, Redemption, Forgiveness, and Living. He's opened quite a few doors in the music industry with new producers and studios to work with, so its pretty exciting. I've been writing a lot and trying to see what direction to go, but its definitely going to empower women, be full of love ballads, R&B hip hop feel, and collaboration with a lot of artists and friends who I have grown to respect and love. It's funny though when you try to do good things, there is always someone out there who wants to sabotage it, but ultimately it doesn't matter, because if God plans it it will come to fruition regardless the obstacles that stand in the way ie...satan's vessels aka haters.
Acting work is dead, I have come to realization that I am the "callback" girl. I have literally gotten callback after callback and not booking jack. Its so demoralizing and disheartening when you spend so much time and effort on memorizing lines, rehearsing, driving all over the place, paying for parking, and hours of your time waiting around. Its so frustrating! I have literally auditioned for over 15 popular tvshows/pilots/features and gotten 6 callbacks, not including the 3rd callback and booked zero. Yes I know this industry it "tough" and I shouldn't be discouraged because at least im getting callbacks but honestly its a waste of my damn time! Also I happen to be getting beat out by a pretty popular asian actress named Nicole Bilderback,
yeah some of you may know her from "Bring it On" and the hundred other projects she's worked on. The girl is 34 looks super young, but still in my category and of course she has a bigger fanbase but come on give the new girl a chance yeah?
Ok I need to stop venting, I'm revealing too much! This is supposed to me uber glamourous isn't it? Well its NOT ladies and gentlemen it sucks. But at least I have the opportunity to compete, I have supportive friends and family, and I have bigger goals that supercede what I'm chasing after in the short term. I will stay positive and trust that Lord has purpose for me according to his will. I trust. but sheesh it's so hard.